


I Promise

by Port_in_a_Storm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Gen, M/M, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 15:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5009830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Had it been the other way around, he wouldn’t even need to be told twice: if his mum had said she didn’t do it, she didn’t do it. He’d insist that her version was the truth even if they were putting a noose around her neck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Promise

**Author's Note:**

> First off, thank you guys so much for the kudos on my previous (and first) fic! You lot are amazing! Secondly, after the episode on the 14th October, I just needed to write something do with Aaron's reaction to Chas's lack of faith in him. Apparently with the way the storyline is going right now, it's impossible for me to write anything but very short, angstsy reflection fics!
> 
> The title alludes to Aaron's words, when he promises Chas that he didn't shoot Robert.

Aaron still remembers the scorn on his mother’s face when, more than ten years ago, she told him that she didn’t like him; that even though she spent ages not knowing him, when she finally did get to know him, she didn’t even _like_ her own child. It’s almost the same scorn which he saw when he promised her that he didn’t shoot Robert, and she was so clearly struggling to believe him.

Had it been the other way around, he wouldn’t even need to be told twice: if his mum had said she didn’t do it, she didn’t do it. He’d insist that her version was the truth even if they were putting a noose around her neck.

‘But then, I’ve put her through so much,’ he admits to himself and to the stone at which he kneels now. His eyes run over Jackson’s name without really seeing the letters. He swears sometimes he still sees his former love’s face there, instead of cold, grey marble. ‘Can’t really expect her to believe me after... after everything I’ve done.’

He shifts and sits cross-legged on the ground instead. He sniffs deeply and feels tears sting his eyes. He pulls the sleeves of his black hoodie down to cover his fists and press them against his eyes, letting out a short, sharp bark of self-deprecating laughter as he does. ‘If you were here, none of this would have happened, you know,’ he says. The accusation doesn’t quite make itself into his voice, though, and he just ends up sounding desperate and pathetic. ‘If you were here, he may have tried it on with me, but I wouldn’t have given him the time a’day.’ Something niggles in the back of his head, and he thinks it’s Jackson’s voice, laughing at him, telling Aaron that of course he would. Robert’s fit, the voice says. And you could never really resist a challenge, could ya? Plus, I wouldn’t have been as much _fun_ as him, and the voice turns bitter with twisted shades of humour, the way Jackson’s used to on the really bad days. 

‘Shut up,’ Aaron mumbles between grinding teeth and the material of his hoodie. He feels like he’s going to be sick, partly because he doesn’t know if his and Jackson’s voices merged in that last comment, but mostly because he can’t escape the accusing eyes of his mum. How is it that they still hurt each other so much? He thought that after his therapy sessions, after he took the fall for Adam, before France and how his mum told him she was _so proud of him_ , that they had moved past everything; that they had become closer, had bonded in their own way. But his mum still doesn’t trust him and, on days like this when everything seems grey, dull, colourless; when nothing hurts because it’s gone so far past that point – on those days, it’s easy to see why she didn’t like him all those years ago.


End file.
